may 6 2025

nothing is happening and I exist nowhere but I’m in Vancouver, walking down Bute Street, listening to Bob Dylan. I like that one Hurricane song and the way he says “pool of blood.” I feel so empty of me and anything recognizable.

I walk around all day, past the bubble tea shop where I sat with Maria 5 years ago and cried for hours about my silly little ex.

I walk past the corner where a man threw rocks at me because he wanted to shoot up without an audience, even though I was just waiting for the bus and minding my business.

I walk past several blocks that all smell like pee and the parking garage that I forgot I left my car in that one time in the summer of ‘21.

I walk past my old campus, with the imported chairs from Italy and the crackheads in the atrium, and maybe I shouldn’t call them crackheads but you know what I mean, also they were literally smoking crack.

and I walk past the cafe where I used to go to sit and make beats for hours at a time when I was new to the city and knew no one and could not speak.

and I walk past Dressew and the big clock and the cathedral and the Whole Foods and the Vogue, where I saw FKA twigs play in 2019 - a show that changed my being and rearranged my mind. a different time. a different life.

I walk past everything and I empty myself of it all.
I don’t say a word.

the sun beams down on me, sharp and reticent.