november 25 2023

Something terrible happens.

I wake up at 5:55 and I think to myself that if I were a stronger, different person I would just leave. I would just burn it all to the ground and get the fuck out of here. To go where? Nowhere. It’s dead silent this time of night and I’m straining my ears to listen for any sounds of life from the street. A car rolls by and I’m in bed, alone. I feel nothing at all. I can’t feel my heart.

I take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. It’s the next morning. I’m getting ready to go to the nail salon, then I have pilates, then I have a facial, then I’ll come home and write the whole night.

If I just stay calm, and if I just keep moving, I can pretend that something terrible has not happened.

I can get through this.